Thursday, March 18, 2010

To teach forgiveness as well as to teach to be forgiven

I am generally a very forgiving person. I do not hold grudges. I do not harbor resentment. I have learned throughout my life that harboring ill feelings only affects me. It does not affect the other person. How can it?They do not know the thoughts in my head. So, in general I am a forgive and forget kind of person.

BUT....
I have been harboring a grudge for some time. It has been a difficult one for me to let go. I have tried, but these two people really hurt me. I thought they were my friends, but friends do not say such mean things about each other. This happened almost a year ago, and every time I think I am finally over it, something happens to slam it back in my face.

I was recently reminded by the still small voice that the Atonement is to teach forgiveness as well as it is to teach to be forgiven.

I heard these words in a talk almost 20 years ago. I know that my Savior and Heavenly Father love me. I know that my Savior and Heavenly Father forgive me. I know that my Savior and Heavenly Father are merciful. And so I am left wondering, why have I struggled to be loving, forgiving and mericiful to these two people? When I realized this thought this morning in my personal prayer, I broke down in tears. If I cannot forgive these two people, then how can I expect the same of my Savior and Heavenly Father. Why did it take me so long to realize this?

I have felt more peace today than I have felt in a long time.

So I am left with the peace and the remembrance that the Atonement is just as much about teaching me to forgive as it is about teaching me that my Savior and Heavenly Father will forgive me.

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