Saturday, July 10, 2010

Mr. Right or Mr. Good Enough

I have read several blogs about this topic, and I have been reluctant to address it. However, I had an interesting conversation with the mother of one of my students and it made me think.

M just graduated from high school, and, while attending her graduation party, M's mother asked about my husband. M told her that I have the best husband who spoils me with purses, shoes, clothes, etc. (This is true, I generally am not a fan of shopping and my wonderful husband has great taste.) M also told her that I am "giddily in love" with my husband. Also true. Actually, this is more true than the fact that I am spoiled. My husband and I have been together since we were 17. I fall more in love with him every single day. The mother then told me that my relationship is one that M uses as a measure of what she wants in a boyfriend/husband. She said that M could always tell that my husband respects me, loves me, and would never ever hurt me in any way. I was both flattered and humbled by this. I had no idea that my love of my husband and his love for me was something she noticed.

I told the mother this, "My husband treats me like a queen, not a princess. There is a difference, and women need to know the difference."

It is in the connotation of each word that holds the difference. A princess gets anything she wants. She may be loved, but she has not earned full respect. She is seen as someone who needs guidance and direction. She is seen too often as helpless and in need of rescue.

But a queen is not helpless. She has earned respect. Not only does a queen have the love of her king, she also has his devotion, his loyalty, and his respect. I love the story of the 300 Spartans.  The women of Sparta were unlike other women of the time period. They were respected and empowered by their husbands. Not only did the men fight for their kingdom; they fought for the honor of their wives.

This is what is means to have Mr. Right. To be respected. To be loved unconditionally. To be loved passionately. To be honored and cherished. To be worthy of the best and receive the best.

But that is not enough...there are plenty of Mr. Good Enough's that will offer all of these things, but the reverse is also true. For a woman to have Mr. Right means that she loves unconditionally. She loves passionately. She honors and cherishes her husband. I know too many women whose husbands worship the ground they walk on but who are also not truly happy in their marriage. It is simply not enough to be loved, a queen must love her king the way he loves her.

Why would a queen accept anything less than everything she deserves? To love and to be loved with an eternity waiting.