Thursday, October 21, 2010

Maybe I should wear a Red Letter A

Not for adulteress...of course not, but maybe for something  else...not sure what, I will get back to what the "A" could stand for.

There is a group of women in my ward that want me out as YW President. Mind you, they have not said anything to me or to my Bishop about this, but they have made their feelings known to other members of the congregation. Of course, they have also expressed this to their daughters. They have the right to tell their daughters whatever they choose. I do not begrudge them that. They have the right to even tell each other whatever they want. I do not begrudge them that either (although I do think it is a bit childish). These women have criticized me. They have criticized my worthiness for my calling (in spite of the fact that I have a current Temple recommend and regularly go to the Temple; they have seen me at the Temple. They know this). These women have done everything short of going to the Bishopric...really, I wish they would go to the Bishop. Then at least the rumors and backstabbing would stop. If they question my ability in my calling, why not go to the one person who can both address their concerns and release me?

What's ironic about this, is that I do not think that I am the best YW President. If these women who criticize me could see even an inkling into my heart, their criticism would pale in comparison. I am harder on myself than any outside person ever could be.

I know there are women who could do this calling better than I. There are women who have done better than I. However, I also know that the Lord put me in this calling, at this time, with these girls for a reason. I will not question His judgement. His faith in me is enough; I do not need to know the reasons why I am in this calling. I will do my best to do all that He expects and asks of me.

I am a targeted woman it appears. And regardless of how hard I try at my calling or how much I pray for inspiration. Regardless of how hard I try to follow that inspiration. Regardless of how many of the other mothers and daughters actually think that I am doing a good job. Regardless that the Bishop tells me that he knows that I am where I am supposed to be. Regardless of all of this...I am a marked woman.

Still not sure what the letter A should stand for, but I am thinking about putting one on my dress this Sunday.

1 comment:

Wendy Williams said...

Hi! I came upon your blog from the "mormon moms who blog" and I was touched by this post. It is remarkably similar to an experience I had being the Primary President in our small branch. For me, it was extremely difficult to move forward in a demanding calling, my first leadership calling ever, while feeling these judgments and criticisms from others in the branch, etc.
Just remember as best you can that Heavenly Father has all of the information, and continue to trust Him, look to Him for comfort and inspiration. You will receive it. And if you were a church member while a youth, remember how influential your YW leaders were to you. That is how influential you are to the girls in your ward or branch.
Hang in there. I made it through--you can too.