Monday, March 14, 2011

Then and Today...

I didn't like myself very much when I was 14. I was smart but not smart enough. I was cute but not cute enough. I was thin but not thin enough.

I was constantly trying to be something I wasn't. I wanted so desperately to just fit in. I was a typical teenager with atypical problems.

And then I found the Gospel. Or rather, the Gospel found me. A friend brought me home, only to a home that I never knew before. To a home where I learned that I was a child of God. That I had a Divine Nature. That I was more than I thought of myself.

It took a few years for me to fully grasp what that meant. Then, once I thought I understood what it meant, I decided to listen to the world. Then, as a young adult wanting to experience the world, I ignored what I knew for a few years.

It took falling in love with my unborn child. That was when I truly understood. That is when I understood what it meant to love a child. That is when I learned that as much as I loved my child, my Heavenly Father loved me more.

Then, as a fourteen year old, I struggled to ignore the whisperings of Satan that told me that I was not worthy of love. Today, as a thirty something year old mother, I still struggle to ignore those whisperings. Oddly enough, they are not that different. Satan knows my weaknesses. He still knows how to make me doubt myself.

Today, I like myself a lot more than I did when I was 14. Today, I know I am smart enough. Today (thanks to a husband who reminds  me daily) I am not only cute enough, I am downright sexy. Today, I know I am confident enough to do anything. I still struggle with feeling good enough, but today, I know better than to turn my back on what I know to be true.

Then, I struggled. Today, I still struggle. Then, I pretended to be strong. Today, I am strong.


JourneyBeyondSurvival said...

What a beautiful post. I'm glad that you have put down in words your commitment to believing in your Divine Nature. You are worth it. You are amazing.

Kage said...

Thank you so much! I keep reminding myself of that. :-)