Saturday, June 11, 2011

Lessons I am learning

I am learning that I am the kind of person, for whatever reason, not everyone likes. I am too confident. I am too bold. I speak my mind when maybe I shouldn't. I am not always the nicest person. I am not social enough. I am too social. I am a perfectionist and because of that I work to be successful at everything I do.

I am learning, actually struggling, to be okay with that.

I am learning that I need to not worry about what other people think, and worry most about what I think and whether I am happy with myself.

I am learning that I should smile more. And laugh more.

I am learning that in spite of being strong, and tough, and that I can portray to the world that the little things don't bother me, and that the things that people say and the things that people do and the meanness of people don't get to me, I am learning that they get to me a lot more than I let on. I am trying, but I am struggling.

I am learning that I care more about what other people think than I let on, and I want to be the person again who doesn't care what other people think. Who only cares about what I think and what the people who mean the most to me think.

I am learning that all my life I have been a person, that for one reason or another, people target something that they don't like about me and exploit it and make it a big deal. Whether it is my own family, people who know me, or even people who don't know me, it seems that someone finds a quality about me that he/she does not like and I become an easy target. I am learning to ignore this.

I am learning to not worry so much about it.

I am learning to be myself and to be happy. I am trying to not let it get to me. Right now, today, on June 11, 2011, I am not succeeding.

But I am trying to learn.

1 comment:

{ T G L } said...

Thank you. That is refreshingly honest and I wish you good luck on your path of self-acceptance. We cannot be all things to all people!

This Good Life