Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Mother's Day (late)

I did not write about Mother's Day on this blog because my feelings for my mom are so close to my heart, I struggle to find the right words to express them. I love my mom. She is my hero, and even though in recent years I have learned things about her past that have been shocking, I find myself understanding the decisions she made. She made some of her decisions out of desperation and others out of hope. Sheer hope to be a better person and provide a better life for her children. Would I make the decisions that she made? Probably not, but I was raised by her. I was raised by a woman who lived through desperate situations so I would not have to. I was raised by a woman who sacrificed everything for her children so they would never have to sacrifice such things. I saw the pain in her eyes as she fought to forget parts of her past. I saw the regret in her eyes when parts of the past came back to her. Some she cherished and others she ran away from.

I am the woman I am because of my mother. Others may look at her and judge her harshly for her past. I look at her past as a victory. In her first 25 years of life she endured more than most people endure in 70 years of life. She sacrificed more than I will ever truly comprehend. But, most importantly, she survived. Her survival has not been without cost or scars, but she is still here. Still fighting the ghosts of her past while trying to live in the present.

I don't always agree with my mother (more recently than ever before), but I love her more than I can ever express. I am grateful for everything she has done for me. There has never been a day in my life that I do not know beyond a shadow of a doubt how much my mother loves me.

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