Sunday, June 5, 2011

Unexpected. Part 1

I have always been my mom's biggest ally, and she has always been the one person in my family that stood by me no matter what. She was always the one who supported me and sacrificed whatever she could to make my dreams a reality. She supported my dancing, my academics, my college decision, and even my choice to abandon her Catholic roots and join the Mormon church. Even if she did not understand my choices, she always supported me. Even if she could not help me, financially or otherwise, she always cheered for me.

Likewise, I always supported her; even when I didn't know that I was.

As a four year old little girl, I vividly remember my mom coming into my room crying telling me she was leaving my dad. I also vividly remember her packing my bag telling me that I was coming with her. I knew I was. There was never a choice. If she was leaving so was I.

This situation, in several different scenarios, played out countless times throughout my childhood, adolescence, and even in my adulthood. As an adult, I was not going to physically go with her when she said she was going to leave my dad, but I always knew that if she left him, I was on her side. I was always her ally.

Now, she never really left my dad. She did not have anywhere to go, and even if she did, my dad always disabled the car so she could not leave. I learned this as a four year old little girl while sitting in the car in the driveway. Mom in the drivers seat, me in the passenger seat, bags in the backseat, and keys in the ignition. The car wouldn't start, but we stayed there for hours. I knew this because my sisters would come outside and mark the time for me.

My mom never left. My parents always found a way around their problems. Never really solving them, just finding a way to live through them.

It was not until I was an adult that I understood the dysfunction of my family, but that is an entirely different post.

Like I said, I ALWAYS took my mom's side. My dad and I have always had a tumultuous relationship at worst, and a strained relationship at best. Considering my childhood memories are that of my mother's unconditional love and support and my dad's criticism and insults,  it has never been difficult to take her side over his.

I never thought I would see the day where I would take my dad's side over my mom's. Never. Not in a million years. Never.

I was wrong.

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