Wednesday, February 22, 2012

It Only Took A Year

I think I am finally done rebelling. Not that I was rebelling against the church, but I was rebelling in my own way. After I was released as YW President, I put my piercings back in. Nothing scandalous...just the several multiple ear piercings. Maybe it was a silly childish rebellion, but I put them back in as if to say, "There...I can do what I want and your criticism won't affect me anymore."

After putting the piercings back in, I actually started looking for ways to rebel. I thought about getting a tattoo, but I knew that was something that I would regret. (Also, I hate needles.) I thought about getting my nose pierced or an industrial. I still attended church, I payed my tithing, I went to the Temple. I did everything I was supposed to do, but my heart wasn't in it as much as it should have been.

I was definitely disenchanted. All of the crap that was thrown at me during my time as YW President had a profound effect on me after I was released. I know that I was truly sustained and uplifted during the calling; I faced everything head-on and stood my ground. I prayed and knew that everything I did, every decision I made as YW President was made with the Spirit as my guide, but after I was released I really began to truly feel everything that happened during my calling. I did not want to be around anyone at church other than my family and my two closest friends. I honored my new calling, but did not attend anything else RS related. I was going through the motions, and, while doing so, I was trying to figure out the tiniest methods of rebellion. My piercings being the most visible.

Well, yesterday, something unexpected happened. As I was saying my personal morning prayer, I felt something that I had not felt in a long time. I felt peace in the Gospel. As I was praying, I felt the spirit of rebellion leaving me. Not only did I feel it leave, I felt an understanding of it that I did not have before. I felt forgiveness; I felt the desire to forgive others. For the first time in over a year, I truly wanted to go to church and be a part of it.

I went home yesterday and took the piercings out.

I have a long way to go in the process, but I am finally ready to begin again.

1 comment:

Wendy Williams said...

Good for you!!!! I'm always so hesitant to tell The Lord that I know I need to work on something, but I'm not ready. He always supports and loves us throughout the whole process. I think I'm at one point or another on this same cycle a lot of the time! Thanks for sharing!